


What They Always Tell Us

by Omazun



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: ADHD, ADHD struggles, Big Bros Are Trying, Brotherly Fluff at one point, Cute and Sad, Depression, Emptyness, Eventual Woody x Mikey, Finding Out How To Deal With Life, Gen, Human AU, Lots O' Flashbacks cuz that's my writing style :3, M/M, Mental Disorder, Middle School, Mikey's too young, Please not him, Sad, Slightly De-aged Mikey, bro fluff, highschool, starting slow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-01-31 12:57:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12682359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omazun/pseuds/Omazun
Summary: "They know people like us are unique. Different. That makes us, us. Parents too. No one understands us. Everyone's expected to be the norm, but because you had the guts to do what you did, it makes you all these bad things? Parents, classmates, teachers, everyone. It's what they always tell us."Mikey, at 13 years old is just discovering who he is; But he's not so sure he wants to figure that out.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! For those of you who don't know, this is basically a rewrite or fresh start of my book "Our Lives". I hope that it goes over well, or at least better than the last two versions of this book XD (Go read the last chapter of "Our Lives". The A/N explains this little inside joke.)
> 
> Also, this book is going to go in kind of a backwards story telling. So we're starting off at the present day, but as the story progresses you'll start getting past scenes and eventually piecing it all together; (Insert: Self Promo) kind of like my other TMNT fic "Patience".
> 
> Also, also, Angel (From 2003 Cartoon) is Mikey's age in this fiction (You: No one even knew her age to begin with...) So in one flashback she's twelve, so on the same age path as Mikey. Same for Woody (From IDW Comics).
> 
> And the final 'Also', is that some of the plot of my little fic is derived from the book "What They Always Tell Us" by Martin Wilson. (Amazing book btw ;D) But surprisingly, I actually used this title without thinking about the book (Been a while since I read it) and thought the title sounded familiar. Surprise, surprise, I used a copyrighted title. Good going me. Good going. Also, so there are no spoilers about some of the plot I 'borrowed' from the book for my fic, DON'T google the book. *Literally everyone goes to google it* (slight, again I like making stories my own, that's what I write for.)
> 
> M'kay; I'm Done.
> 
> Anyways, like I always say, LastDream away! (I made all that match, man I'm good. [Remember when Raphie said it in "Touch and Go"? You better.])
> 
> Triggers/Warnings:
> 
> MAY CONTAIN (WILL CONTAIN VULGAR LANGUAGE), GORE AND SELF HARM, DEPRESSION, BULLIES, AND MORE IN THIS AND/OR IN FUTURE CHAPTERS!
> 
> Disclaimer:
> 
> I Don't Own Four Freaking Turtles And A Rat; Happy? I also don't own, "What They Always Tell Us". That amazing book, is written by Martin Wilson and published by Dell Publishing. The Turtles were originally conceived by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird and published into a comic series by Mirage Studios in 1984. Yeah, I know my facts.

**What They Always Tell Us**

**Chapter 1 – Voice**

* * *

"Mikey!"

"I'm going, I'm going!" Michelangelo yelled back down to his older brother, Leonardo.

Mikey stopped struggling with his shoes as he bounced up and down on one foot trying to slip them on. He found himself staring in the mirror.

He had curly light brown hair, which everyone called a mop, and his freckles were  _very_  easy to see. He had baby blue eyes and he was a short and stocky kid. He wasn't, by any means, fat, he just had a thicker build than his older brothers. He frowned, then smiled. He was testing which way looked better for good impression on the first day back since break.

' _Well, I'm not scary, even when I scowl. I look better smiling…'_

He tried looking frightening.

' _Yeah… I should just stick to smiling.'_

"MIKEY!" Came the loud pounding and thundering voice of his other older brother, Raphael.

"Get out of tha fuckin' bedroom, Mike! We're gonna leave now, an' if ya ain't with us- "

"I'm going,  _I'm_.  **GOING**!" Mikey snapped angrily. Mikey was not looking forward to school. Or anything anymore. His normally optimistic attitude was gone and so was his cheer. He'd been able to fool his family that he was happy and okay until the recent weeklong break. Then, he was stuck inside with his family, receiving horrible messages from other kids in school, and no way to release his stress and sadness and frustration. His family had been upset with him. Normally, Mikey was prancing and dancing when Christmas time came around; an  _entire month_  early. But recently? Mikey just… felt empty.

His brothers noticed in mid-late November about their little brother's stale behavior and took winter break as an opportunity to find out what was wrong with him and pressure him to open up, but Mikey refused to let them know. It wasn't their responsibility or their business. And eventually his brothers decided on it just being Mikey's teenager years coming in to play; He just turned thirteen in the first week of December after all. They'd all been ready for hormones.

But since they narrowed it down to hormones, that meant they were all handing him a stricter attitude; even patient and calm Donatello.

It was only adding to Mikey's stress and anxiety. And it was  _especially_  topping his anger.

Maybe it was mood swings. Whatever it was, Mikey knew that he didn't like it either, he missed being himself. He really did.

Mikey finally gave a growl as he successfully put his shoes on in his rush. He grabbed his backpack from the floor and came out of his room.

"I don't know what fuckin' attitude ya've got Mike, but it's ain't funny and it ain't cute. Cut tha shit out Mike."

Mikey growled and shoved right past his 16 years old brother. Raph glared at him with narrow sharp dark brown eyes. He ran a hand through his spiky dark brown hair before turning around and leaving. Mikey watched the tall and muscled brother of his leave the hallway to go downstairs and mumbled, " _Big Oaf_." Under his breath. He didn't know where this sudden side of him had really came from. It just developed. He'd been stressed, angry, and depressed ever since the bullies entered his life and he'd been struggling with school academically. Then again, when wasn't he ever in his entire life? His grades were horrible, and he was often in trouble more times than  _Raph_  now.

' _Tomorrow I'll go back to being happy again, for them. I'm being such a brat and I even ruined Christmas. I'm such a mistake, I just ruin everything. Why couldn't I just have pretended to be okay for a fucking week?! Why was it so hard for me to do one thing in my fucking life right?'_

Mikey soon followed despite his bitter mood and went downstairs. There, he found his eldest brother Leo. Leo had black hair which matched well with his sapphire blue eyes. He was the same height as Raph and he had a lean, washboard like build. If you looked at a photo of their older brother now at 17 versus their father when he was around Leo's age, they'd look like identical twins.

"Took you long enough."

"Spare me the lecture okay?" Mikey snapped even though he thought it was justified since Leo gave him the same attitude back.

"Then spare me the attitude." Leo's cold and sharp reply came back, locking eyes with Mikey. The oldest and the youngest of the family stayed in their glare contest, daring the either to look away. Finally, Don intervened.

"Stop it. Both of you. We're going to be late you know." Came Don's snippy voice. Don's words had a pretty prominent lisp to them. The lisp came from Don's gap tooth. He'd lost it when they were kids, being dumb and immature. A long story turned into a sentence, Raph dared Don to skate down a stair rail. The Hamato boys were anything but headstrong.

Don physically though, was taller than Mikey but a little bit shorter than their eldest brothers. Don was only 15 and was extremely skinny. That was mainly because of his big brain and even bigger work addiction. All his working on inventions and school work constantly at night made him lose sleep and he ran strictly on coffee. Nothing else.

Don, not too long ago, was once stuck in Mikey's situation. But Don came forward about it one day and everything was soon taken care of. But whenever Mikey would think of doing that, he thought about it;

Don offered something to everyone, he was  _useful_.

Mikey was the opposite.  _Useless_.

Don was allowed to do what he did, he was important enough, but Mikey wasn't. At least in Mikey's eyes.

"C'mon you two, let's get in the car." Don calmed down everyone, and soon they were out the door.

Mikey purposely slammed the door to the car behind him as he left it. The car was small and kinda crappy, but it was mainly because their father hadn't decided on whether to trust his four sons with a nicer car. So, it was a hand-me-down from a neighbor.

Mikey tugged his backpack over his shoulder and went into school, thinking about when it first started.

* * *

"Hey, look, I was wondering if I could borrow your locker for a sec." A tall kid with black hair smirked.

Mikey, being an innocent twelve-year-old nodded.

"Sure! What for?"

"To do this." Mikey could only blink before he found himself struggling to stop the older teen from tearing up the rest of his locker.

"Stop!" Mikey protested. This kid was tearing apart all his family photos, class notes, things from friends, everything. And little Mikey could stop any of it. He grabbed and clawed at the older kid's arm, trying to drag him away from his locker. He even was about to start kicking at the guy's legs. Suddenly, two other tall guys, obviously held backs, grabbed Mikey by each arm and shoved him into the lockers.

Mikey grunted in pain as they kept bashing him into the lockers. Mikey closed his eyes, waiting for the next impact to come, but they'd stopped, only for Mikey to feel something sharp and cold under his chin.

He pried open his eyes to face the jerks and then they widened.

There was a switch blade to his throat.

A  _switchblade_.

"S-stop…" He tried to protest, but his voice came out weak and shaky. He found himself trying to hold back tears but failing, making the older boys laugh. They laughed as they drew back the switchblade, then one took a final punch at Mikey's stomach before turning down the hall to follow the other two boys.

"He's so fucking weak!" One laughed.

"Jesus, did you  _see_  how scared he was?" Came from the other one, laughing so hard he was walking/stumbling down the hall. Mikey honestly didn't see how having a  _blade_  pressed against your neck was funny, but apparently to them it was.

"I can't believe his face, like we were  _actually_  going to get ourselves in jail for his fucking babyass. Over there crying because someone put a blade on his neck. Like he's worth any trouble! Such a fucking wuss!" The black haired kid that had raided his locker, laughed. Mikey found tears rushing down his face as he looked at his trashed locker.

Flyers, posters, book pages, notebook pages, photos, drawings, and more were scattered all over the floor of the hallway and inside his locker. His school supplies were either torn or crumbled up. They had literally just started digging their hands all through the young preteen's locker.

Mikey wiped away his tears furiously and choked down a sob. He slowly crouched down, his hands shaking a bit, and picked up a drawing he had drew in art class. His favorite drawing; he had kept it in his locker and would show it off to all his friends. Everyone always knew he was a creative genius, even if his grades weren't so well.

Now his most treasured, beloved, and prized artwork…

Was ripped and torn. Shredded and crumbled.

Mikey felt his throat sting a bit as he began to gather all his trashed locker items from the hallway floor with a shaking body. He was going to be so late, his family would kill him. Not to mention all his homework for the periods after his upcoming class. And his supplies, school borrowed books, things he had borrowed from friends (That he had promised to give back, by the way), library books he was due to return, family items, his lunch money for the week, everything.

Mikey sniffed and wiped a single tear that had gotten past his shaky defenses.

'What did I do? I haven't even been within, like three feet of those guys…' he thought distressed. And that thought was true. Mikey knew, as well as everyone in school, that those three boys were bad, bad trouble.

The black haired kid was Joseph Kent, who'd rather go by his middle name, Trent; but it wasn't a suggestion. Everyone,  _everyone_ , called him Trent, if they were even brave enough to say his name. A tall, lean muscled kid who was probably 14 or 15 years old, but had been held back many, many times and was now stuck in Mikey's grade, seventh grade.

Sucked for him. And everyone else in school who wasn't as tough as him.

His two 'goons' as Mikey mentally called them, so upset with the locker scene that he couldn't even feel anger or hate, or even resentment, were Ryan Marvin and Luke Shun.

Ryan was the shortest in their little 'gang' but still way taller than Mikey. He was probably 14 too but was still in eighth grade; he'd only been held back a year, luckily. Ryan had red (obviously dyed) hair, it was so bright it was so fake. But no one dared even try and mention that. And Ryan was very well muscled. Very. He had an older brother, who was even bigger (if that was believable) but Mikey knew that Raph or Leo could take his older brother, Shane, down in mere minutes.

And Luke was probably the worst. He was big, very big and made the saying true, 'The bigger the brawn, the smaller the brain.' He had blonde hair and was, again,  _big_. Heavy in weight and muscle. Taller than Joseph. And here's where it didn't take Einstein to do the math…

If Ryan (The shortest of all three) towered over little, itty bitty Michelangelo, and Luke towered over Ryan; How much more taller than Michelangelo is Luke?

Answer?

A lot.  **A fucking lot.**

It was no wonder why most kids went running in fear whenever the three were around. Despite all of them being held backs, they all had things that made them people on your 'To Fear' list. The reason to be scared of Luke is simple; he could crush your fricking skull Mikey bet. And Ryan… he was a crazy, crazy guy. One time, Mikey heard he went street racing with their little 'gang' against some high school kids. There, Ryan drove straight onto the sidewalk, not caring about pedestrians or the law; and obviously not a speed ticket. All to win.

And Joseph? Well, heh, he was the worst of them. Despite being held back for a couple of times, Joseph played mind games better than anyone in school. He could ruin a kid's life just by being involved in it.

And that's exactly what happened to the once cheerful Michelangelo.

* * *

Twelve years old Mikey found himself sitting out on his family and his' apartment steps. He was off in another world it seemed, thinking about how those jerks had teased him. The most painful insults were things like 'Freak!' and 'Mistake!' and such. The ones that targeted not only how he was as himself, but how he was to other people. A mistake no one wanted-

"Hey! Mike! C'mere!" Came a loud yell from a curly black haired girl on a bike, rushing straight towards his steps.

"Angel, I thought you had to pack up? Didn't you say you were moving, like, right away?" Mikey was pleasantly surprised. Angel was one of the few friends that were sticking with him as of late. Ever since those bullies entered his life...

"Yeah, I am! But I convinced my Mom to let me spend at least a couple of hours with you before we go!" Angel spoke so quick, it was entirely new to Mikey. Normally, his friend was slow and calm,  _sometimes a bit scary and sassy_.

"Wait, really!? This is gonna be so cool! Whaddaya wanna do?" Mikey asked, already grabbing the skateboard that had been set up next to him, minutes prior; he forgot all about the upset mood the bullies had put him in.

The two childhood friends ended up going into Central Park, dangerous at nighttime, yes. But the friends knew the limit was to be out of that part by dark, and when the sun was setting, they found themselves on the grass staring and the side, having just decided on getting ready to leave.

"Hey, Angel?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think I'm... I'm a freak? A mistake? Even an Idiot? Please be honest." Mikey's voice was pleading for someone so young. Angel immediately turned onto her side to face her friend, who was laying on his back still, not even noticing his friend's incredulous stare.

"Why would you ask me that question?"  
"Just Answer it!"

"Fine then, my answer is no! N-O!" Angel snapped back, though neither had intention of being so harsh with their words.

There was silence for a minute.

"They've been spreading rumors... Everyone thinks I'm this weird freak or something now. Jackie doesn't even hang out with me anymore..."

"He stopped? Just like that? You two are inseparable! It was always me, you, Woodster, and Jackie against world. Why would that suddenly change!?" Angel went back to laying on her back, but was watching Mike out of the corner of her eye. But even though her position screamed 'calm' her eyes and her tone were anything but. Her tone was going higher without her realizing it and her eyes were piercingly cold and hard.

"He didn't want to, you could tell he was upset about it. I'm not taking it in a bad way..."

"Good, you shouldn't. He was probably peer-pressured or something..."

"Yeah. That's it."

"I'm sick of them calling me things behind my back. I can't take it much longer Angel." Mikey finally turned on his side to face Angel and Angel did it at the same time, in sync.

"Yeah, well they're just being the typical bullies. If they see someone that could have the slightest chances of succeeding, they're going to ruin it. Because if they can't do it, then you're not supposed to. They're being held back because they're idiots and they want you to feel the same so you get held back too." She took a breath before continuing, "They know people like us are unique. Different. And that makes us, us. Parents too. No one understands us. Everyone's expected to be the norm, but because you had the guts to do what you did, it makes you all these bad things? Parents, classmates, teachers, everyone." She gave a relaxed exhale.

"It's what they always tell us."

"What they always tell  _us_?"

" _Us._ "

Mikey always pondered on those woods from his friend and didn't think he'd ever understand them. He pondered about them still, long after his friend had gone.

* * *

Ever since those a-holes had entered his life, it'd gone downhill. He only had one single friend left…

"Hey Woody." Mikey greeted, trying to put some cheer in his voice, but failed miserably. After he'd been dropped off, he saw  _them_. Just smirking.  _Smiling_.  **Right. At. Him.**

They know what they did. They  _know_. It was all a part of their little ' _game'_. They just loved toying with people's lives.

Woodrow Dirkins sat himself down, back facing the table part of the lunch bench, then swung himself around, his legs swinging over the seat part of the bench and putting them underneath the table. He had blond hair, the golden sand kind, not a bleach bright blonde. And had beautiful blue eyes, that were so calm and peaceful that Mikey could sometimes find himself drifting off in them. Way better looking than his. Woody always looked maybe two or three years older than what he was because of his defined face.

' _Everyone looks better than you. You are an insult; don't compare someone to you looks. Especially him of all people, he's the only person to actually still like you; for now, at least.'_  There was always a voice in the back of Mikey's head. It just pointed out everything that was said or that happened and turned it into some negative put down directed at himself.

He offered a supportive smile to his best friend; Woody had been the only person Mikey had told. Over these past couple of months, Mikey had been really trying to keep this all to himself, but as he found out only after a couple weeks of suffering the torment, holding it all in just made his life worse. Woody was the one person he could truly depend on. Woody always stood up for him, understood him, and hasn't abandoned him.

' _Hasn't. As in, not yet. Watch, you'll push him away too. That's just how annoying you are. Needy and desperate. Just watch.'_  Came Mikey's inner voice. The one that constantly had the need to put him down.

Mikey did his best to mimic the smile, but found himself failing to.

"They on you again?" He asked. His voice was a bit deep, but he was always calm and cool. Collected and smart too. He was everything Mikey wasn't. The only thing he kept up with him on was their athleticism. And even then, Mikey found himself not even wanting to wake up in the morning most days; let alone leave the house.

' _Yeah, 'Cause you're a lazy ass kid who can't do nothing right, that's why. You don't even do your homework or school work. A failure. And then again, your brothers are better than you. Everyone is everything you're not. That's why you'll always be the most useless guy around. You're a mistake.'_

"No. They just smiled at me. They were happy Woodster.  **Happy**." Mikey felt his voice crack and his bottom eyelids struggle to hold the weight of the oceans in his eyes from spilling and mentally shamed himself; he felt downright embarrassed.

' _Seriously, now you're crying? Because you can't handle a little bit of life. They were right, you're so pathetic. Needy. You're going to drive him away too, watch.'_  Came that  _dumb, stupid-_

Mikey just blinked rapidly and acted like something was in his eyes. Rubbing and fanning it while pinning it open with two of his fingers.

"That's not going to fool me ya know. I'm way smarter than that man." Woody's voice went a bit lighter with dark humor and Mikey gave a chuckle at his own dumb attempt to cover up his weakness.

' _Yeah, way smarter… way smarter than me.'_  - _Stupid, Arrogant, Condescending_ -

"Yeah, kinda figured." Mikey forced a chuckle, something he'd been getting slightly good at, and decided to change the topic; unfortunately, Woody got there first.

"So, how was your test?" Oh that. The test that he'd had failed. The test that made up a large sum of his grade. That.

Why did he have to ask that?

' _It's not his fault you're a failure. Learn to grow up and deal with it; you're never going to be smart or a parent pleaser or as good as your brothers or him. Face it; you're a failure. He's innocent, you're the one guilty; it's your own fault.'_  - _Condescending, Demeaning_ -

"Not good. How did you do on yours?" He asked, trying to pry any attention away from him.

"Aced." His friend replied with a smirk that slid on his face as natural and calming as a low tide onto the sand. Mikey managed a fake smile, he felt it was good enough, and pretending to be ecstatic about it.

"Super proud of you! One of us has to get the next grade!" Mikey 'laughed'.

"One of us? Oh no, we're both getting there. I don't think I can survive being in the same class with that crazyass Marvin brother without you being there. Dude, I'm telling you, those brothers grind on my nerves,  _so damn_  much! That's why I like  _your_  brothers." He ended laughing heartily.

' _Your brothers. Your brothers are probably the only reason Woody hasn't left you yet. 'Your Brothers' are the only good thing worthwhile that even relate to your life. He's pretending to want you around, he obviously could continue to the next grade without you; he's just doing that because he pities you.'_  - _Demeaning, Evil, Mean_ -

Mikey 'laughed' alongside him.

Mikey heard some kids laughing; some were just gossiping, some were straight out laughing. A scene that went down that was caused by Trent and his group, not to long ago, caused Mikey to become the school's laughing stock. Woody had guts, because the friends that Mikey didn't drive away himself, were driven away because of his bad rep. And Mikey remembered clearly when growing up, both going to the same 'local schools' system, that Woody had always been easy to accept. In a popular group, a nerdy group, whatever he choose. And it was easy to see why.

Woody looked good on the outside and his personality was even more beautiful.

Mikey brought himself back to their conversation. He had been zoning in on Woody's eyes.

' _What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I keep thinking about him like that?'_  Mikey questioned himself.

For as long as he could remember, he'd always liked girls. At least he thought he did. Mikey forced himself to push his thoughts, wicked, innocent, and confused, to the back of his mind.

' _Focus_ ', he told himself.

' _Yeah,_ another  _thing you can't do right. What a surprise.'_  - _Mean, Hateful, Terrible_ -

The bell rang.

"Awe, just when my story was getting good!" Woody gave a small fake pout, which Mikey responded with, "Tell me about it!" He fake whined. In reality, he was so busy focusing on the kids gossiping about him and then getting lost in Woody's eyes; he hadn't listened to any of what his best and only friend had been saying. He didn't feel like talking anymore anyways, it was too much effort. The same occurred when listening too.

' _You're such a horrible friend. He's_ only _person in the world that'll probably hang out with you, yet here you are being ungrateful about. You're such an ungrateful little brat. No wonder everyone abandons you.'_  - _Terrible, Disdainful, Crude_ -

Mikey realized his next period was with Joseph and Trent, whichever. It didn't matter to Mikey anymore.

Nothing did.

' _Well, you'll never matter, so nothing you do should matter. You. Are. A. Waste. Of. Space. Even you know it; so how many times does the universe have to spell it out? You're unimportant. Go die, everyone at school is right; go die.'_  - _Crude, Honest, Right..._

**Voice.**


	2. Glimpse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm actually on my scheduled time today! Yes! Okay, well, here's the next part of "What They Always Tell Us", Triggers in the first part and here's the disclaimer, which will sound pretty bland because I'm running out of skits and other things to make such a boring thing fun…
> 
> I DO NOT OWN THIS FRANCHISE OR THE BOOK I PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED "WHAT THEY ALWAYS TELL US"; JUST BORROWING THE TITLE NAME FOR INNOCENT USAGE

"What do you aspire to be Michael?"

"I don't know." Came 15 years old Michelangelo's answer.

"Well, what are some of your passions?" Came the therapist's response.

"Music and mix taping is one. People say I'm good at art, but I don't really know about that. I gave up soccer back in 7th grade… I'm flexible, so I guess break dancing is one thing I can do… I used to be a good writer, but like with everything else I was good at, I ruined that too. Gave up on it…" Michelangelo trailed off.

"Well then, it seems you've got quite a lot of talents for someone so young."

"I don't know about that… My brothers can do way more."

"We aren't going to compare your beginning to someone else's middle Michelangelo."

"We're only a couple of years apart. There is no 'beginning'." Even though his words were harsh, his voice was soft and quiet. The therapist sighed and took his clipboard and wrote some gibberish on it Mikey felt like he wouldn't understand. Said therapist then placed the clipboard on his lap.

"Well, this session is over. I really do wish I had more time to talk this through with you Michael." Meanwhile, Mikey was already gathering his items, tuning out the shrink.

"I was hoping to-" _'Blah, blah, blah. I don't care, I just wanna go home and blow off my paycheck, curtesy of your family's good hard-earned money.'_ Mikey filled in his therapist's words. It was true, Mikey knew this shrink didn't care at all. He just wanted out, just like Mike himself.

When Mikey entered the car waiting for him on the street level, he saw his older brother, Raph, in the driver's seat. Don was sitting in the passenger's seat and the two were conversating about something, which was obviously a banter with how playful the two were acting. Don had some after school program which Raph had picked him up from. The newer, but still a hand me down, car reminded Mikey of the painful memory that had happened with their past car they'd had when he was thirteen.

As soon as they spotted Mikey though, they calmed down.

"Hey squirt, get in." Came his eldest brother's greeting as he unlocked the car doors and rolled down Don's window to peer at him.

"M'kay."

Mikey climbed in the backseat. He felt exhausted and tired. He leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes for a brief minute.

"Everything okay? How was the appointment buddy?"

"Everything was fine. The shrink just kept asking me dumb questions again." Mikey replied to his brainy brother.

"Ugh, I told myself ta talk ta Dad about a switch an' I completely forgot. Sorry Mike."

" _It's fine._ "He protested weakly, lifting his head from the window to meet his older brother's hard gaze in the rear-view mirror.

"Not everythin' is  _'fine'_  squirt. Start tellin' us tha truth."

"I'm fine. Can't respond with anything else guys."

He heard his brawny brother give a heavy sigh before starting up the car and his immediate older brother turn over and around to look at him briefly, before facing forward again. He knew it wasn't fair for Raph to now be the eldest and take care of him and Don since Leo was away.

Raph's sighs sounded too old for an 18 years old guy. He should be out with his girlfriend, Mona, or doing something else with his time. Instead, he was looking after his needy, 15 years old, depressed little brother, who was ungrateful for everything he and his other brothers did for him. Mikey still heard that voice some days, and today was one of those days.

Mikey sighed himself and put his head on the window. Conversation started again between the two older boys in the car, but Mikey himself stayed put.

He found himself drifting off, too exhausted to hear his brothers conversate or even open his eyes anymore.

* * *

Looking down at the phone screen of his friend, a 12-year-old Mikey felt tears well up.

"They posted this the other day bro. Sorry, but everyone's laughing so damn hard about it."  
"That's why no one talks to me anymore."

"Yeah… about that. Maybe it's best if we kept our friendship… quiet."

Mikey's already hurt filled eyes snapped up to look at George. George was a short and slightly chubby kid with black hair and green eyes. He had been a close friend of Mikey's, not as close as Mikey and Woody, but close enough for those words to sting. Sting badly.

"Look Mike, I don't wanna get you upset or anything, but we all saw what happened to-"

"I know what happened to Damian! Okay, I know! Everyone knows! Why don't you just go! I'm sick of it, if I'm such a bad person to be around, just fucking go! You don't have to pretend anymore. Just- leave me alone. I get it, you don't want to be around the kid that's so fucking annoying he drove his own friend to the grave. I understand okay? Just…go away." Mikey started out loud and pissed off, before his voice staved off and starting cracking towards the end. He had tears running down his freckled cheeks and immediately George felt bad, he moved forward to put his hand on his 'friend's shoulders but Mikey shoved his friend so hard, he backed right into the bathroom sink behind him.

George just sighed and picked his backpack off of the floor by the restroom's doors.

"Really, I'm seriously sorry… Please understand."

"I do. So just leave then."

"O-okay." George left the bathroom and Mikey thought about the video he'd just watched.

Those three assholes and another kid had thrown together a little… 'skit'. ' _Mikey_ ' was talking and ' _Damian_ ' was picking up a gun and putting it to his head, shooting himself.

One bully had dressed up as him and the other did the same for Damian and they thought it would be funny to rub a close friend's suicide in Mikey's face.

Of course.

Mikey slowly dragged himself into a stall and climbed on top of the toilet seat. He crouched just low enough as to make sure his head wasn't peeking out over the top of the stall sides, and he cried.

* * *

" _Hey Mike, I- I've got to tell you something…"_

" _Yeah, what is it man?" Mikey asked over the phone. He was at home, doing his make-up math homework late at night; more like trying and failing to._

" _I don't... I can't do it anymore man."_

" _Damian? Dude, what's going on?"_

" _My mom's losing it. Dad- dad's going to hurt her back soon."_

" _Dude, I can ask Leo to pick you up! He knows about this crap, he can get you out of that house."_

" _No… I, I can't leave Mike."_

" _What? Yeah you can! Damian, just don't do any-"_

" _Hey man, can you tell my sister I'm sorry?"_

" _Damian, what the hell are you-"_  
"Please?"  
"Damian please, don't do anythin-"

_The line was dead. Mikey jumped up immediately and went to his big brother, shaking him awake and everything._

_They were too late. By the time they'd got to the rundown apartment, there was an ambulance outside. And Mikey could make out a smaller than adult size body on the stretcher, covered in a white sheet. Mikey knew what that meant._

_Leo had buried Mikey into his side, hoping to shield him from the scene but it was too late, he'd seen it._

_No kid should ever have to see that, let alone been the last one to speak to him. And of course, the law had to interrogate and investigate him. Even when he repeated multiple times he didn't want to, and even with his father and brother fighting to avoid it; it eventually had to be done._

_Mikey still had nightmares haunting him of the last conversation they had. Maybe if he'd had stop asking so many damn questions and stop being so damn naïve, he would've been able to give his friend some hope and saved him before it was too late. But he didn't. And now, a twelve-year-old life was gone._

**Gone.**

* * *

Mikey let a tear slip as he passed his friend's old locker, which was covered in items to mourn and respect him. It made Mikey pissed off in a sense. People had the guts to laugh at that video about it, but then still had the fucking nerves to go and act like Damian's suicide was a sad thing and that they were truly upset about it.

Lying cunts. That's what Mikey had thought about them. Every single one of those lying douchebags that were called his classmates. There were kids who didn't laugh at the video. They populated about half of the school, some even commented on the video and called it out; those were the only kids who Mikey didn't despise. But even then, that half of the school thought of Mikey as a horrible person for being unable to stop the tragedy.

Mikey didn't fight back when he got dozens hate letters slipped into his locker for weeks. Or criticizing glazes and glares. Or the shaking of heads. Or the tables evacuating when he sat down or the scooting away when he sat next to a kid in class.

Mikey thought about it alone in the hallway. He felt the cold breeze come through the open doors at the end of the hallway, leading out to the front of the school. School had ending an hour ago, and for the moment, everything was quiet in the halls. Everyone was gone, took after school programs which were always held on the second or third floors or outside, or just went hanging out somewhere else. The teachers that weren't out with the after-school programs were in the classrooms doing work quietly or at a teacher's meeting being held in the office, the office was on the first floor as well but was a couple of turns away from where Mikey was.

Mikey frowned deeper as he saw the old and worn decorations falling off. He knew that soon; the school would be forced to remove it all.

And give it to another kid.

Another kid.

Another kid that'll hate him, like everyone else.

Another kid that'll he'd been locker neighbors with.

Mikey didn't know where his sudden anxiety had come from, but found himself panicking over the thought. It was bad enough he'd lost most of his friends and was basically exiled from school, but now he had to deal with another kid.

Another kid to diss him about his failure to save Damian.

Another kid to point out his failures, like every other kid.

It was dumb to get riled up about, Mikey knew that, it just scared him. To have to deal with another bully, on top of the bullies he had right now…

He was just afraid. His mind overthinking someone sharing a locker next to him, ruminating of all the possibilities he hasn't even seen yet.

His locker was already next to Luke. As if that wasn't enough right?

Mikey forced himself to keep walking and avoid the sadder thoughts of it. His phone went off and he nearly jumped.

Looking at the screen, he found he's tears vanishing in mere seconds.

_Woody: Wassup :)_

_Mikey: Nm wbu?_

_Woody: Nm either man, where u at?_

_Mikey: school._

_Woody: Srsly? Man, I'm taking u out of that prison, meet u at ur place?_

Ever since Christmas, Mikey had been avoiding home. And avoiding bringing anyone else into it; even though it was really just sad that even if he hadn't ruined the break, Woody was the only friend he could ever bring to his house… cause ya know… no friends?

_Mikey: Nah, wat about urs :/_

_Woody: Somethink huppen?_

_Woody: Something happen*_

_Mikey: nu, just tense rn :(_

_Woody: ah, sry bro, alright fine, we'll meet at mine's :/_

_Mikey: mk, see ya then_

_Woody: Ditto :P_

Mikey sighed and picked up his backpack from the hallway floor, he gently closed his locker, as if it was made of glass, and then started for Woody's house.

* * *

_Mikey glared at Don. Nothing was wrong, why did they keep thinking something was? Nothing that they could fix anyway._

" _Mikey please just tell us. Normally you'd be jumping off of the walls, now you're just shrugging everything off!"_

" _No I'm not. You're overexaggerating. It's nothing serious, I'm fine."_

" _No, Mikey, I'm not. You aren't eating, you stopped soccer, you're doing horrible in school, and you aren't yourself anymore. What's going on? Why won't you let us in? Christmas is tomorrow, and you aren't even trying to be overly festive anymore. Remember? Every year you sing Christmas carols at the top of your lungs and- "_

" _Well, I don't anymore. Just stop okay?! Nothing's wrong!" Mikey protested, his voice unconsciously went higher and cracked. They knew something was up._

" _Mikey, stop. Okay, just stop and calm down. We just wanna know what's got you so upset ototo." Leo placed a caring hand on Mikey's shoulders, which normally would've soothed Mikey and made him relax, but today it just made Mikey tenser than ever. He didn't deserve this love. He didn't deserve any of his brothers. He didn't deserve to be worried over._

_Heck, he didn't even deserve to have someone notice his personality change. They were supposed to just ignore him; he never mattered. He didn't matter now, they're just doing this because it's their obligation. As older brothers. He wasn't important enough to matter, or for his issues to be noticed. Why couldn't they just forget this whole mood change, so he could go back to faking his happiness and being their Mikey again? Why did he have to ruin everything?_

" _Mikey don't cha dare go and say everythin's fine! You just said cha didn't want anythin' for Christmas! You should be runnin' yer mouth off. Just fuckin' tell us what's goin' on!" Raph had pushed past Don and Leo and gotten in Mikey's face. The sixteen-year-old brunette towering right above his barley thirteen year old brother would've been either really cute or really funny, if not for the seriousness of the situation._

_With Raph right in his face, Mikey only turned his head away; the tears were sneaking up on him again._

_He felt a hand turn his head with a firm but gentle grip._

" _Mike, what's wrong bro? We'll help- "_

 _At '_ help' _, Mikey was off. He shoved his older brother's grip, which had softened as he thought he was finally getting to his baby brother, and backed away quick._

" _Just leave me alone! Why is that so hard for you guys?! Why are you always so clingy and annoying, JUST GO AWAY!"_

_And with that, all his older brothers had felt like a firework had been set off, hitting their chest, some more than others._

_Leo's eyes turned cold and he just responded with something that broke Mikey from the inside. "Fine then, you want to be alone? Then you will be. Let's go you two, he's obviously annoyed by us." Raph glared straight at Mikey and placed a hand on Don's shoulder to get him moving. Don was hurt, Mikey had locked eyes with the heartbroken brown eyes of his immediate older brother, and immediately looked away. When all of his brothers had left the kitchen where they had cornered him, Mikey found himself sliding down, his back against the wall, and crying. His brothers obviously didn't hear it, or they didn't care; whichever it was, Mikey knew the latter was most likely._

_Mikey battered himself mentally, '_ You're so ungrateful! You pushed them away like you did with Tony and everyone else. This is all your own fault. You did this to yourself _.' He thought, more tears slipping. He pulled his knees to his chest, sobbing harshly._

_He found himself choking on his own sadness. It drowned him just like everything else has._

* * *

Mikey grunted as he collided right into his friend, Tony. Ever since everything that happened with Damian, Mikey only had a few friends left. Also known as Tony and Woody. And because of everything with Damian, Mikey was the one kid everyone seemed to hate, save for the said boys.

Mikey had just brought an important assignment, for his grade, to school. Donnie had helped him with it, making it a high grade project. He had sworn that he would take care of it as Don was worried for his baby brother's grade. He was the only one he had.

That's why when he had collided with Tony… well.

"TONY! You retard!" Mikey yelled as he looked at his destroyed project on the floor.

"Shit, I'm sorry! I can help!" Tony bent down to help, but Mikey was too stressed to deal with it at the moment. Between his bad grades and the way it impacted the relationship with his father, to the bullies and the fact that he let a friend commit suicide; Mikey was in a bad mood.  _A very, very bad mood._

"You've done  _e-fucking-nough_  Tony! Just go away! Alright, just leave me alone!" Mikey screamed at his 'friend'. He saw pain flash in his friend's hazel eyes.

Tony put his cap, which had fallen off during the tumble, back on his black hair and scoffed.

"Fine then, I know why no one talks to you now. So pissed off over some  _dumb project_. What's the point, you're going to fail the grade anyways." Mikey knew Tony's way of brushing off hurt was to insult someone else, but those words hurt. And it sounded all too real, like it was something Tony had been knowing, but keeping quiet about.

Tony turned down the hall, grabbing his bag off of the floor, and went down the hall. Mikey knew kids were snickering and laughing behind him, some had their phones out too. Mikey just sniffed as he realized he had driven, yet another, friend off. He slowly scooped up the trashed project and gathered it in his arms, newborn style, and went to the trashcan. He dumped it all in and ran himself to the nearest bathroom to hide from all the harsh words and snickers behind him.

Later in Science class, when Mikey had nothing to show for his project and got laughed at by kids, he tried to ask Tony to be his partner for an in-class project, but Tony rejected. He'd gone and thrown Mikey's harsh words right back at him.

"Sorry Mike. Just leave me alone." He said with cold eyes.

"Look, I'm-"  
"You retard, don't you get it?! Just go away! Alright, leave me alone!" Tony had snapped at him with Mikey's exact same words, word for word. Tony always had the best memory, which is why no matter how needy Mikey got; with texts, missed calls, and face-to-face, Tony was never going to forget or let go of his grudge.

Another thing Mikey knew about Tony was that he held grudges, for a long time thanks to that terrific memory.

* * *

Mikey, who was currently riding his skateboard across the street, continuing his trip to Woody's, snapped out of his reminisces when he heard a car horn coming right at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I think I did good. This chapter was bringing up at least half of Mikey's bullying history to help you put together the puzzle pieces.
> 
> You saw him after all this has happened getting therapy. You'll find out how his family gets involved and all the drama I have planned for in future chapters.
> 
> You saw everything about his friend's suicide and how it affected him in school. Alongside with the times he'd ruined things in his own life as a side effect of the bullying he is/was enduring.
> 
> You're also seeing how Mikey ruined Christmas (Instead of the Grinch) and, of course, a quick glimpse at Woodster, 'Cause I love him. Think I portrayed him pretty well, wouldn't you say?
> 
> Also, if you look closely enough in the first flashback/flashforward, you'll see Easter Bunny's hidden around there… Not giving away the plot, but at the same time, I kinda am.
> 
> Signing off!


	3. Screen

**What They Always Tell Us**

**Chapter 3 -** **Screen**

* * *

Don gave a shaky sigh as he looked at the video in front of him. Today he had a presentation in school. And he was terrified. When he was a kid, he had a terrible stutter alongside his lisp due to his tooth gap. With all this speech issues combined with his glasses and physical appearance, it was needless to say he was a target for many bullies. And because of this, his self-esteem had gone down, down, -

"Donnie, come out of your room. Please?"

Down.

"No Mikey. I'm-I'm just go-gonna stay in here okay? I don't feel like eating or hanging out. I'm fine; promise."

He had made a fool of himself in front of his classmates. Stuttering, ruffling, fumbling, overall, he was nervous. If he didn't know any better, and he were just watching himself from a third person, he would've thought about how close he had been from going into shock. His skin had been clammy, his blood pressure was most likely soaring through the roof, his mind was giving itself a headache, and he was light headed and getting dizzy. It wasn't until the teacher finally dismissed him from having to speak, did he finally shuffle to his seat, trying not to puke. Kids laughed and recorded his struggle.

And here was the proof.

" _Donatello, are you alright? Here, why don't you sit down; you won't have to present today. And Dan, put that phone away, NOW! The same for all of you! This is no laughing matter- "_

Don slammed the laptop; his beloved laptop, treasured like his own child, shut violently. He could hear the nasty words, snide comments, and annoying laughter and snickers in the video and see himself try and fail to keep composure.

He buried his face in his folded arms. He prayed none of his brothers found out, because in all honesty, the first thing he wanted to do when this happened was to cry. Cry and run to his older brothers, yes. But when he realized that would make everyone else in school tease him even more for being a wimp who couldn't defend himself, he dropped the idea. He'd cry alone and figure something out. As he was doing now, crying alone.

He let a small sob out, and took his glasses off and placed them on the desk so he could dab his eyes with a tissue. He knew that rubbing would make his eyes' blood vessels inflamed and his eyes would appear more red and puffy and if he had to leave the room for any reason, he didn't want to look like he was in distress, even though he  _technically_  was. He didn't want to bother his older brothers or make it seem like he was incapable of handling himself. He'd be fine.

_Fine._

With that, he proceeded to break down even more. Sobbing harshly to the point he was hiccupping and struggling to breathe right. He forced himself to be more silent.

He then heard soft knocking at the door.

"Don? What's up in there? You're getting us worried, come out." Leo's voice was gentle. But Don just cleared his throat and managed what he thought was a good cover up voice.

"Nothing Leo! I was putting eye drops in, remember; I get dry eyes a lot! I'm still, probably never going to, ever get used to it!" He yelled, hoping to convince his older brother.

"Don…"

"I'm serious Leo." He said, well,  _seriously_. At least as  _seriously and stoic_  as he could manage.

He heard a heavy sigh, and then footsteps leading away from the door. Don sighed and thought about how distressed Leo's sigh was.

' _I'm stressing him out too much… I need to stop. Leo's stressed out enough.'_

He wiped his hand down his face and took deep breaths. Then he heard  _another_  knock. Or more like pounding at his door; very,  _very_  furiously loud pounding.

"Don, open tha fuckin' door right now! What's goin' on, huh? What's up wit ya?" Raph's voice was it's usual, heavy Brooklyn accented, deep growl. Except, if you knew him well enough, you'd know that voice was laced with concern and worry. This made Don's stomach churn a bit.

"N-nothing! Why does everyone keep asking me?!" He yelled, his tone coming out irritated, but in the end of his sentence, his tone died off.

"Because somethin' ain't right wit ya, an' ya ain't tellin' us why! Did someone hurt ya? I swear, if even one person laid a hand on ya, I'll-"

"I'm fine Raph! Please, just  _go_   _away_!"

"No, I'm sittin' here all day 'til ya come out." Don head Raph lean against the door with a heavy thud and then another body, about the same size as Raph.

"I'm here too Donatello. So, unless you plan on opening this door, we're just going to be minding our own business right outside your room." Came Leo's calm and controlled voice.

"Fine!" Don said back. "See if I care. Waste your time." Don sniffed for a minute…

Then the dam broke.

"Just GO AWAY!" Don finally got fed up. "Please, why can't everyone just leave me alone?"

He heard Leo shift against his door and then he heard Raph snap at him, "Ya know what?! Fuck you Don. You wanna sit in there an' pout when we're tryin' ta help ya, fine. Do what ya want, see if I care. Ya want ta be alone, then fine. Fuckin' great." He heard heavy feet fall- Raph's specialized foot fall- going away his door, down the hall. Don couldn't hold in his sobs anymore, he let it all out.

All of it.

"I'm SORRY okay?! Please, just stop!" Don started sobbing so hard, he heard the footfall (trademarked by Raph) stop and turn sharply back towards Don's door.

"Don. Please let us in." Came the soft call of Leo, who unbeknown to Don, had his heart slowly breaking at the sound of his younger brother's aches.

There was some sniffling and heavy burst-sobs as the doorknob was jostled. Don's slick hands (from wet tears and snot of course, to the young genius's embarrassment) struggled with the knob for a minute, and the minute the door was opened, he threw his head to the ground.

Leo and Raph both took a moment to look at their younger brother for a minute. Don's eyes, as hard as he might've tried to avoid, looked red and puffy, with dark circles under the bloodshot eyes. He looked depressed and broken, suggesting  _whatever_  was going on  _has_  been going on for a while.

"Don? What's up little brother." Leo, as cool and calm as ever, put a calming hand on Don's shoulder, making majority of the tension melt in seconds off the Brainiac's mind.

"Nuh-nu-nothing… It's just some du-huh-umb video." He tried to explain, hiccupping as that was the horrible aftermath of crying.

Don felt another hand on his should, hot and heavy.

Don had always been the best at telling between his brothers. Leo's movements in everything, from footfall to his hand's weight and shape, was always strong and swift. Never a hesitation. Raph's movements were confidently done as well, except his were always done with passion. Whatever mood Raph was in, you'd know. Whether or not you or the hothead himself wanted to know said emotion? That was something different entirely. Raph's movements like footfall and hand shape and weight were always heavy and filled with this passion; always carrying some kind of purposeful weight to it.

"What dumb video bro?" Came from the passionate hothead.

Don wiped at his eyes furiously. No point in trying to save what little dignity he had left anyways.

"S-uh-some kids posted a vide-ee-o of me in class today. I made a fool of mys-eel-elf. I'm s-huh-such an idiot." He hiccupped.

"Let us see." Leo asked quietly. Don knew by the way Leo said these words, he  _was not_  happy.  _Not at all._

"What?! Wh-uh-y?!" Don tried to protest. He really did. Unfortunately, he wasn't going to move his loving,  _hard headed_ ,  _over_ protective brothers.

"'Cuz we want ta. Now, either ya show us an' we make tha kids that hurt cha pay or we fin' out on our own an' make tha kids that hurt cha pay. Yer choice." Raph crossed his muscled arms over his broad chest and gave Don the ' _Don't make me_ ' look he was known for.

Don, once again, broke.

"Okay,  _okay_! It's on my laptop. Go see for yourselves." Don submitted. He opened his door fully and scooted away so his brothers could enter his room.

Leo walked in long, swift strides to the desk Raph shared with Don. On the wooden desk was a black laptop that looked like nothing special. And then when you find out that it's Don's laptop. It's  _Don's_  laptop.  _Don's_.

It's  _going_  to be a supercomputer. An  _FBI_  level supercomputer.

Raph came forcefully into Don and his shared room. His eyes immediately went to the computer Leo had opened quickly. When the screen came back on from it's 'sleep mode', Leo turned to Don, who already knew what he was going to ask.

"It's '5623'." The smart teen sighed.

Leo simply typed in the computer's pin and watched in slowly bubbling anger as the web browser was still opened and showed the video and its tittle.

' **Know It All's Afraid! Nerd Can't Even Speak Right!'** Was the tittle in bold letters, lining the top of the page. It was on the social media almost everyone in school used, Myspace. (Yes, I took it there.)

The video was under the bold lettering and under the video was the comments section.

' _So he can raise his hand every second in class, but he can't even grow the man balls to speak up? What a pu$$y!'_

' _Lmao had me cracking up. I would love this idiot in my class.'_

' _omg he can't even stand straight, I'm sharing this. Quality Gold.'_

' _Sooo this is where the freaks at.'_

' _r/Oli_ _lmao XD If Jimmy Trumpet was looking for the freaks… he could've just asked tho.'_

' _r/Yup_ _Yeah gotta class with one of 'em. This geek right here. Comedy I'm telling you.'_

' _Yo Quincy!'_

' _r/Wuzsup_ _lol ;D Seriously I'm loving this comment section!'_

' _r/SHhhhzh_ _Same ;P'_

There were many horrible comments going on and on. Raph immediately growled and looked about ready to slam the laptop to the floor.

"Don… Why didn't you come to us?"

"It's not that important…"

"Not that important?! Don ya gettin' bullied! How is this not tha' important?!"

"…"

"Don?" Leo turned away from the laptop, as did Raph, both had their backs turn to the younger and were more focused on giving death glares to the screen than looking at Don.

Both older brothers felt their hearts break a bit when they turned to see their younger brother looking so many years younger than what he was. He was sitting on the bottom bunk of the bed, rightfully claimed Raph's, and hand his hands covering his face. His stomach was doing strong heaves and movements as Don looked like he was trying to control his breathing to cry silently. His whole body was shaking, and his glasses were on the floor, they had fallen on accident.

"Don. C'mon, don't cry." Leo said gently. He made his way towards the younger brother and sat down next to him. He wrapped his arms around Don and gently shushed him, as he had began sobbing once his brothers had taken notice of his silence.

Sometimes, Raph and Leo realized, they forget just how  _young_  Don is. He's only 13 years old. Don always made himself seem so much older and smarter then what he was. Well, there was no doubt for anyone that Don was smart, but he always made himself seem…. Just older and wiser. Like, he didn't have no problems and was so patient and kind to everyone. Everyone but himself.

Raph came over as well and sat down, the bed creaking a bit from his new weight combined with Don's and Leo's. He gave a sad glance at the youngest in the room before running a hand through his hair. What was he going to do? Beat up every 13 year old that commented? There are too many people cyberbullying the kid for him to do that. Some kids even younger (and older) than they were.

Leo and Raph shared a worrying glance over the younger's shoulders.

' _How do we handle this?'_ Was the million-dollar question.

And not even Donatello knew the answer to this one.

* * *

Two young boys laughed as they ran circles on the grass.

"Gotcha Leo!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Yuh uh!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Yuh-"Young Raphael was cut off as his big brother tackled him down playfully and began to playfully wrestle the younger.

Leo and Raph rolled around in the spring grass for a while. Laughing and shoving and kicking, but not too hard to cause damage. The hardest they could give each other would be a bruise. The trees seemed to work a beautiful image around the two brothers. The gently wind blowing trees and bushes to it's sway and causing leaves to fall around the grass, dotting it. There were others in the park, yes. And of course, the loud traffic and honking of horns and people getting road rage and cussing people off. This was Brooklyn after all. Even at this time of night… The people here never slept it seemed.

But that didn't stop this from being a soft moment, gentle moment. It was one of those times where the two felt invincible and that it was just the two of them, against the world.

"I win!" Leo called out childishly. He placed a foot on top of his younger brother proudly. He smirked down at Raph.

"Hey! I totally won! And get off, you're hurting me!" Raph laughed. The nine year old was extremely competitive, yes. But even he had days where he laughed off a good loss and called it even.

The elder put his foot off, smiling bright, and helped his younger brother up.

They made their way to their younger brothers.

A young Donatello, only eight years old, was telling a made up story to a small five years old Michelangelo. They were sitting against a tree. It was wide and kinda short at the bottom of the trunk but began thinning out towards the top. Mikey was the only person who could get Don to speak out loud and lively, even if it was just to tell some random story. He'd do it for Mikey.

"That's  _swo_  cool! - Leo! Raphie!" Mikey jumped up immediately to run up to and hug his big brothers. The five year old managed a grip on both boys' legs, Raph's left and Leo's right.

"Hey!" Raph playfully shoved Mikey off his leg and off he went from Leo's as well.

"Hey Don." Leo greeted warmly to the quietest brother.

"Hi."

"Leo, Leo, Leo! Please tell a story!" Leo looked down to see his hyperactive little brother bouncing circles around him. Leo chuckled as Raph rolled his eyes in a fond way instead of a irritated way.

"Why?"

""Caz you an' Donny tell the bestest of the best stories!"

"What about Raphie?"

"Raphie's cool too! But I like yours better!"

Raph gave his younger brother a 'glare' and watched Leo take stand in front of the already sitting Don.

Raph took place, scooting in between Donnie and Mikey. Raph sat with one knee under his chin, his head resting on it, and his other leg splayed out. Don sat on the other side of Raph, both his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms wrapped around his knees. Mikey, on Raph's left side which was farther from the glistening moonlit pond, was sitting on his knees, bouncing on them energetically.

"Tell a story! Tell a story! Pwease Leo!" Even at this age, young Michelangelo knew he had his brothers wrapped around his short and chubby finger.

"How 'bout it?" Leo proposed, a light smirk on his face. He wanted to work Mikey up, he'll admit it.

"Eh." Raph shrugged, though Leo saw the glisten of curiosity and interest in the young, spiky haired boy's eyes.

"I'd like to hear one. Please." Don said shyly, adding the please at the end sheepishly. Don was always trying to be polite and mannered as Leo. Leo never really realized it, until their new father had pointed it out. He found himself smiling brighter as he thought about his loyal little brothers. Sometimes, they were annoying and pestering, but majority of the time?

He didn't know what he'd do without them.

"Okay,  _okay_. I'll tell one." Leo finally said after trying and failing to ignore his baby brother's constant chant of, ' _Please!_ ', of course with his cute, innocent, five year old lisp.

"Yay!"

"Cool." Another shrug, yet small glint. Raph was always the  _'cool kid'_ , or at least that's how it seemed put.

"Nice!"

Leo stood in front of his brothers, and began telling the story of an ancient dragon who learned his lesson about revenge. It was originally kind of gruesome, but Leo had softened it down.

"When the dragon entered the temple, he began to roar viciously! Someone had stolen his amulet!" Leo told animatedly. He waved his hands around like he was telling a ghost story. Raph looked simply bored but Don looked interested. He loved dragons and dinosaurs for a while. He kept asking Leo 20 questions about the damned thing.

" _What kind of Dragon? Is it apart of the lizard family? Of course it is, I'm so dumb, all dragons originate from the lizard family! Wait, what lizard did it originate from specifically?"_  Don kept his mouth going and to the disappointment of many, it was either Don talked too little, or too much. Raph eventually quieted Don down with a small nudge to the side which shut him up quickly.

After about 30 minutes of storytelling, they were asleep. It hadn't been Leonardo's  _goal_  per se, but it happened. He wasn't going to complain. Mikey had been down first, and had cuddled into Raph's side, his head buried into Raph's rib area and his small arms going around his big brother's side, as if he were holding onto him so he wouldn't let go; one of Raph's arms were over his outer shoulder. Raph had gone next surprisingly, as he was the night owl, but Leo had a feeling it was due to inactivity and boredom. He had fell asleep with an arm slung over or around both of his younger brothers on either side of him, his legs splayed out without a care; even in his sleep he was protecting them. Don had finally succumbed last. He fell asleep with his head resting on Raph's chest, his legs were in a loose crisscross-apple-sauce style. Leo chuckled at that, Don was  _always_  ready to learn, wasn't he?

Leo yawned and even though he knew this wasn't the safest spot to sleep, he sat down with his back against the tree with his brothers. His legs were crossed straight out in front of him and his arms folded on his abdomen. His straight and shaggy almost black hair covered his eyes as his head dipped forward down. The dark hair was at his ears now. He was sitting on the other side of Mikey, for extra protection.

Leo had a good feeling they'd be okay. Mr. Jackson was in the area  _somewhere_ , right?

' _Please don't be drunk again. Please._ '

* * *

As Michelangelo saw the SUV coming at him, he immediately tried in effort to swerve his board. Even though some part of him, didn't want to.

Forgetting the prospect of saving his board, Mikey straight out freestyled some parkour move from his Ninja Skills belt and jumped right off the board into the air. He felt his hand breeze against the strong and fast surface of the SUV before he 'stumble landed' on the crosswalk, regained his sense of balance, and managed to take in what just happened.

His board had –  _miraculously_  – managed to survive the near death accident. Probably slipped right under the SUV. Mikey himself had managed to survive as well. He quickly grabbed his board and ran across the street safely this time. He took a minute to catch the breath that had escaped him and recollect himself.

Mikey slowly got control of himself and his body and began thinking of all the ways that could've went wrong.  _Ways he could've died_.

And surprisingly, he didn't mind the thoughts at all.

Instead, they were kind of comforting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:
> 
> Okay… I tried lightening everything up with the second scene, but I think the ending (Of the second scene in the park) got some people confused probably. So…
> 
> The first scene was about the mention in the first chapter that Don used to be bullied. I decided to give him his own storyline and cliffhanger.
> 
> The second scene was purely for added backstory. So, for those of you who didn't figure it out (could've blame you, I can barley figure myself out), the boys are blood related, yes, but not to Splinter at all. Splinter IS their father in the present day (The ones from the last chapters) but when they were kids, no. They were in the foster system, but I am going to share why and how soon but not yet. Wait my pretties, wait.
> 
> The third scene is a small continuation of the cliffhanger from the last chapter at the end (the ending).
> 
> My writing bounces everywhere so if you ever wanna find out the entire storyline and piece everything together; sorry, but cha gotta keep reading. I know I take forever to update, but please understand! I'm getting horrible grades in school (as of current) and I know I can get all A's (Have before) but I just can't focus on the work. I know, shame me. BASH ME! (jk…. Srsly ;/)
> 
> Also, if you didn't get some other stuff…
> 
> The reference to 'Yo Quincy' in the scene about Don's bullying was a reference to the character 'Urkel' on the TV show 'Family Matters' played by Jaleel White. 'Steve Quincy Urkel', Yep. If you're from America or you've even just been on the internet a couple years ago, you'd know what I'm talking about.
> 
> The reference about the freaks and Jimmy Trumpet was because there is a cool song (mostly beats and dubstep and stuff, the guy makes cool music) by Jimmy Trumpet called 'Tell Me Where The Freaks At'…. Well, the song is called 'Freaks' but the chorus everyone knows it by is 'Tell Me Where The Freaks At'.
> 
> And last reference/explanation because I make everything difficult, is Myspace. Why Myspace? Because this fic is based around (half of it anyways) the '03 show. Which, back in 2003, was when Myspace came out. The first Facebook. I'm trying to make it as accurate to it's time as possible here, cut me a break! And I'm gonna say this fic is in the 2005 to 2010 because Myspace wasn't really popular until a couple years after it came out I think. (I wouldn't know, Facebook was my generation)
> 
> Because majority of Don's school uses Myspace, it's gotta be popular by that time, so yeah, I'm guessing 2005-2010 here. Yeah, yeah, I know, I suck, I don't even have a Time Screen I set my fic in, but at least I have a Time Frame though…. Huh, huh? Nah, not feeling it? The whole, 'You put Screens in Frames' like, like, I don't know, a computer screen inside a screen frame? No? M'kay, bye.
> 
> And NO, the pun isn't why the chapter name is 'Screen'. It's Screen because we're dealing with a cyberbully here people. (It's also because of the pun…. Seriously, Time Screen!)
> 
> If you wanna lock me up now, I'm ready.


	4. Love Is Sickening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I DO NOT OWN THE NINJA TURTLE FRANCHISE
> 
> (This is seriously getting monotonous ;-;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being so late, life's a bitch and she means business.
> 
> Also, I'm learning to work on Raphael's Brooklyn accent! And if you're wondering, the boys live in Brooklyn, NY. I know in the original 2003 TV shown (I don't know the original setting of 2012 TV show or the comics, but if you do, let me know by reviewing or PM-ing me!) in Manhattan, NY. That's the borough that the lair/sewer system they live in is located. And if you don't get the title, it's because love is Mikey's problem now, hehe. He loves Woody and loves his brothers, but he can't convey it, thus making him sick.
> 
> Here it is; and Punzi, you owe me chocolate sprinkles... I never forget. Never ;3

 

* * *

**What They Always Tell Us**

**Chapter 4 – Love Is Sickening**

* * *

Mikey made couldn't help but smile once he saw Woody's shocked reaction.

"I beat you again! Say hello to the new World Champion bro!" Mikey gloated for once. Somehow, Woody was the only thing that could cheer him up. Not the game, or the fact he had won for the fourth time that afternoon, but the fact that he was sitting shoulder to shoulder with Woody.

Woody, the guy he found himself slowly crushing on.

Woody the  _guy_.

Mike's smile of victory nearly fell straight down at the thought. Woody liked girls, like how he was supposed to. Mikey, on the other hand, found himself having, to say the least,  _pleasant dreams_  of men at night. And not just Woody (Though Mike would be a fool to say that Woody wasn't apart of at least 95% of them), but other men as well. Men from commercials, the streets, places, TV shows; really,  _really_ , attractive men too.

And with the thoughts of his dreams in mind, Mike felt something stiff. He struggled to contain his erection along with his body's slight involuntary movements considering Woody was right against his side. Not helping.

"You okay Mikester?" Woody asked concern showing on his face. They were sitting on Woody's couch in his living room and Woody's parents were out on a date night. This gave Mikey a whole afternoon  _alone_  with Woody.

"Yeah, totally man!" Mikey gave himself a minute to try and think of some lifesaving excuse.

' _Shit, shit, shit! What the heck do I say? "Hey man, just got a boner thinking about your body on mine"!? I'm crazy, insane. I've gone fricking loco. I like guys, and not just any guy, but Woody! My best friend! My only friend!_ ' Mikey's mind was rushing.

He felt his hands sweating worse now and his leg was bouncing.

' _You have to save this useless! He's not just your best friend, he's your only friend! You're gonna push him away too!_ ' Barked that voice in his head.

"Uh, just, I..." Mikey froze when his phone buzzed. Looking down, he saw the alarm he had set to go off.

'Get Home' Was displayed on his phone's home screen with the options 'Snooze' or 'Dismiss' under it.

Tapping 'Dismiss' with shaky arms, he quickly saved himself, "Em, I- uh- gotta go home now. My brothers are probably worried by now!" Mikey jumped up, shaking everywhere, grabbed his bag and dark green hoodie. Woody rose an eyebrow and before he could even say goodbye, Mikey was gone.

"Weird..." Woody mumbled. What was going on with his best friend?

* * *

' _Where is he?'_

"He's probably just with a friend."

' _Where is he?'_

"Like ah care!"

' _Where is he?'_

"Oh sure, you don't care now, right Raphael?"

' _I just want to know where he is!'_

"He's jus' tryin' ta scare us. It's all jus' ta pull our leg, 'coz he's mad 'coz we laid it ta 'im straight at Christmas."

' _Where is my baby brother?'_

"Both of you can just shut the heck up!" Don finally snapped, pushing his glasses up on his flushed face. His face had the tendency to get red when angry or worried sick, something he hated about himself. "Our little brother is missing,  _missing_ , in  _Brooklyn_ , and all you guys can do is argue!?" Don was pissed off with his brothers right now.

"Yer all worryin' too much." Raph rolled his eyes. Internally, he was repeating the same mantra inside his head as his Brainiac brother. Where was Mikey? Was he hurt? If he was, who the hell was Raph going to beat up? And if he wasn't, what had his brother been doing?

The silence in the room was deafening for a moment. Leo was sitting at the apartment's counter on a bar stool, eying the clock on the wall as if demanding it to stop until his little brother was home and safe. Don had been sitting on the counter but had jumped off during his protest, he was now sitting back down, but on the couch in the open living room, which gave an open view to the kitchen and entrance area. Raph was leaning against the corner by the door, ready to either run out on his bike and find his brother himself or beat up his little brother when he came home, all the while trying to act nonchalant. All they could do was wait, and it was killing them all.

"We should just call him. This grudge has gone on long enough." Leo finally conceded. Getting his phone out, he was going to call up his youngest brother. He couldn't wait any longer.

Even Raph couldn't say no to that one, because the big brother inside of him was yelling at Leo, begging Leo, his big brother, to find out what happened, what happened to their little brother.

When Leo's phone came to life, he saw the time.

_**9:58** _

Another taunting reminder of how late it was. Another taunting reminder that their little brother was not home, not safe. Another taunting reminder that their little brother could be hurt, lost, or worse...

They chose not to think any further than that.

Once Leo called the phone, the whole room filled with dread. Straight to voicemail.

* * *

Mikey didn't go home like he had told Woody. Instead, he had decided to just cruise around Brooklyn on his, magically still intact, skateboard. He visited the park, the grocery store (pretending to be shopping and not finding what you want is something his 'acting' skills helped in), even the arcade! Eventually, Mikey knew he had to get home. But he had dreaded it because he knew what home meant. Home meant, now thanks to him and his dumb problems, awkward silence and high tensions between his own (once close with) brothers and father, awaited. He didn't know how they'd react to him returning, but he had the impression they'd either all be asleep and lecture him in the morning or ignore him still.

' _They're gonna pretend I don't exist. I don't blame them. I wanna pretend I don't exist too.'_

He slowly pushed open the door in exhaustion, fear, and anxiety. What was he to expect? He honestly didn't know what to expect anymore.

"Mikey?" came a familiar voice, filled with worry and hope. Leo? Had he stayed up for him?

'I bet it was because Dad told him to. The others are probably asleep.'

Mikey peeked his head in, he was shocked.

"Mikey! Thank god, you're all right!" Don came up to Mikey, arms open and hugged the life out of Mikey for a moment.

Mikey observed his family for a moment.

Leo's face, which was once drawn heavy with worry and fear, was now lighter and relaxed, but still slightly tense. But Mikey saw beneath it; he was getting lectured. Big time.

Don, who was holding him at arm's length now, was frantic but slowly calmed down. Mikey's brainy brother was holding him in tight eye contact as if demanding an answer the unasked question everyone was thinking, "What happened to you and where were you?". Other than that, Don seemed just completely relieved.

Raph. Now Raph was the one that met Mikey's expectations.

He was just sitting there. Looking Mikey up and down, as if looking for marks or injuries. When he found none, Raph just glared harshly at his little brother before leaving the room, muttering about how he was going to bed now.

' _When did Raph ever hit the hay at this time? Oh right, when I messed up our relationship. He doesn't care now. Who knows if he ever did.'_

" _Why_  are you so dirty?" Leo came over and asked, his face asking the question already.

"I nearl-" Mikey stopped himself. He wasn't going to be a big baby now and cry to his big brothers about nearly dying. No, it wasn't their fault or responsibility. It was his alone. "I fell. You know me, I'm never careful. I'm a klutz."

Leo looked skeptical but bought it. "Alright, well Dad is coming home from the dojo, so now you've got to explain yourself." He went stern, his face becoming stoic. Like it's been since the argument...

Don backed away. "Take a shower and change. Why didn't you answer your phone?"

"Dead."

Don sighed, his little brother was being curt now? Since when was Mikey the one to stay quiet?

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yup. I got it. You guys can go to bed, I'll take to father." Mikey looked down now. Were his brothers truly okay with this? No lectures or arguments? Did they really stop caring?

Wordlessly, Leo left, dragging Don with him to their shared room.

' _Wow... they hate me that much now? Who wouldn't?'_

Mikey hanged his head once his brothers left. Was he that expendable?

Mikey turned away and sat at the kitchen table. Their apartment was pretty big, but not a penthouse either. They were middle class at worst, but not a higher middle class. They did couponing and their father worked at a dojo, training kids and teens martial arts. He also did senior classes, but that was about it since the senior classes were about meditation. He worked a lot, and ever since Mikey was nine years old, when the business needed increase in their father's business, Mikey's brothers did a lot of the raising.

The years in the foster system trained Mikey's brothers how to do that though. A lot of Mikey's 'beginning' childhood, when Mikey didn't remember much. He only remembered a couple of their foster homes, and then suddenly being with Mr. Hamato at age eight. His brothers, unfortunately, remember much more.

Mikey crossed his arms on the kitchen counter, remembering how much his brothers used to cherish and spoil him. He'll admit, ever since he could remember his brothers spoiled him like crazy. He had been the baby after all. Maybe that was the problem. Mikey had been so used to being the baby, now his brothers wanted him to grow up, he didn't know how. He remembered for a moment when he had made his big mistake of telling his brothers to back off and stop being 'clingy'. He wanted his brothers to give him some space, but at the same time, all he wanted anymore was for someone to hold him and tell him everything was okay.

He wanted nothing and everything at the same time.

He wanted to be alone yet have everyone spoil and love him again.

He wanted to give up on his life, but want to still fight to pass school and have a successful life.

He wanted to die, but something inside of him was screaming to try and see what tomorrow brings.

He wanted to... he didn't know what he wanted anymore.

Then, as he looked across his empty and quiet apartment he realized. He finally found the one thing he can truly say he wanted.

He wanted to his big brothers, the way they had always been.

He wanted home, not a house or apartment; home. A place where he could feel safe and happy.

But they had never had a home. So why was he going to get one now? Even when his brothers had found theirs, he just wasn't meant to get one.

Home is where one was loved, and Mikey wasn't feeling it yet. Mikey was getting sick of feeling, sick of love. Feeling just seemed to make problems worse than what they start as.

* * *

Leo sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"It hurt to do that Leo. We all know good and well he wanted someone to care for him back there, and we just left. How could we do that?" Don pushed his glasses up with his knuckles by accident as he rubbed the tears in his eyes with a finger.

Leo frowned. "We're doing what he wanted."

"But it's not what he wants anymore! He made a mistake Leo, c'mon. We all make them." Don gave an upset face, as Leo sat next to him, the bed going down. He clearly was not happy with this predicament. Then again, neither was Leo or Raph for that matter.

"Tha kid's learnin' a lesson Don. Ah don' like it eitha. But tha knucklehead needs it. Plus, we're teachin' 'im that he can't jus' get away wit' that kinda attitude."

"Raph's right, as much as I don't like this new way of treating Mike, he needs to grow up at one point. Look at his grades, his childish behavior, the ditching classes and now this. Coming home late at night? It's teenage rebellion and even though we can handle Raph here," At this, Leo got a sharp elbow to the ribs, he decided to ignore the radiating pain though, "Mikey still needs reinforcement. This could be good for him and shape him to be more... independent."

"But what if we're doing this wrong? What if we're hurting him instead of helping him?" Don still didn't like this idea...

"We stop it. But I know Mikey's tough, he can do it. Plus, this is Mikey here. He'll come to us when he's hurting. He always has, does, and I bet he will." Leo comfortably rubbed Don's tense shoulders.

Sighing, Don caved. But something in his mind was screaming at him, flashing red lights, saying this was a bad punishment. "Fine. Maybe I do spoil him too much..."

"We all do, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Just means you love him, that's always good."

"Ah don't spoil 'im." Raph protested.

"Mmmhmm." Leo went, making Don laugh.

"Whateva. 'Night."

And with that, the three older brothers parted ways, not realizing how much their baby brother had changed. What they did was out of love. Sadly, sometimes love can just worsen situations, not fix them.

As Leonardo pulled up to the police station, he found himself struggling to control his anger and frustration.

' _He's done it again.'_ , Leo thought sardonically.

"Raph?"

"Yup, here he is."

They were on a first-name basis at this point.

The walk to the car was dead quiet. Raph wouldn't dare to try Leo with that look on his face.

As soon as they were in the car though, it was everything but quiet.

"Raphael, how many times have I told you to stop getting in trouble." He started in a low voice, terrifyingly calm.

' _Uh oh...'_  Raph swallowed thickly at the thought of what Leo would do to him this time. Burying the fear and sucking it up, Raph began to state his case; even though he knew it would fall on deaf ears. "Leo... Dis time Ah swear, it wos nuthin' in mah control. A'ight? Ah saw some poor kid who needed help Leo, whattdaya want me ta do? Let 'im get hurt by some thugs?"

"Raphael, what am I going to do with you? You're lucky I got the phone, and not father. But you're still in huge trouble. But answer  _my_  question first; How many times have I told you to stop getting in trouble?"

' _Wow, so he ain't goin' ta let that question go, huh?'_

"Um, 'bout five times dis month?"

"Yes, and what happened each time that causes me to repeatedly tell you this?"

Swallowing thickly again, Raph gripped his knee in anxiousness.

"Ah get mahself in trouble."

" _Yes_."

Leo gave a death glare to the road as he drove. His hands had a white-hot grip on the wheel and he was grinding his teeth so hard, Raph was surprised he didn't have short teeth by now.

"But-"

"You have to understand Raph, if you keep getting in trouble, you'll get father in trouble! This stuff goes on record, and they're going to put together the pieces. Why is it now that you're with this man, that you're getting into so much more trouble? Huh? They think about this stuff Raph! They'll start thinking something's wrong at home! Do you want to go back to the foster system? Since father legally adopted us now, we have to be careful! The law blames the parents for things like this!" Leo paused, running a hand through his hair and not catching the look of guilt on Raph's face.

"I know you get angry," Leo halted as they reached a red light, "And- and I know going out and rebelling is your way of releasing it. So as to not do something you'll regret." When Leo caught a glimpse of Raph's face, he knew he hit the head on the nail. "You're afraid of hurting one of us. But Raph, there has to be another way of releasing it. Stay home, find something, go to a class; anything! Just stop getting in trouble. Please."

Leo was driving again and there was silence for about 20 minutes. Raph didn't know what to say to that, and they were almost home anyway.

"I get it. You-"

"Ya don' get shit, Leo! Stop thinkin' ya know everythin'! Ya don'! Yer not me, yer Mr. Perfect! Yer Fearless, ya ain't me! So, stop pretendin' ta be!" Raph's outburst caused more silence. He sat looking out the window, trying to ignore his big brother's presence.

"You're right, I'm not you." Leo started softly, glancing at Raph in his peripheral vision for a minute, before sighing and continuing. "I never will get what you feel Raphael. But I can tell you I understand that you're angry and hurt and scared. Maybe I can't feel it exactly and know why, word for word, but I know you're feeling it. And it's okay to feel." Raph scoffed and rolled his eyes towards the window. He didn't need to hear this shit.

In Raph's world, no one could feel what he felt, or even something remotely close to it. He hated that. He hated the loneliness because he was alone in feeling. He hated that he got so angry all the time. He hated that he almost killed his youngest brother this morning with a pipe. He hated that no one could understand him, heck, he couldn't even understand himself.

"Whateva." That's all Raph could defend himself with. He was just happy he got off easier with Leo than normal. It was probably because he got into a fight with good intentions this time, instead of getting into a fight just to blow off some steam like he typically did.

"I mean it Raph."

"Sure."

Leo sighed and focused on driving and the minute they were home, Raph bolted. Getting inside and taking every pathway to avoid Leo. He took the stairs instead of the elevator with Leo and rushed himself to his room before he could have a chance to bump into him. All Leo could do was hope he was doing this thing right. Because if Leo had to say two things about himself that were fake, it was that he was Perfect or Fearless.  
He wasn't perfect because he wasn't good enough to raise his three little brothers right when they didn't have a father figure for that, like they do now. He wasn't fearless because every day the 16-year-old woke up with a new worry he was afraid to face, a new fear that he tried to run from.

This face of perfectness or bravery was hard to keep up, and it was beginning to show itself in Leonardo. Maybe not for them, but for himself. But everything Leonardo was doing, he was doing out of love. That made it all worth it, right?

No, Leo wasn't fearless or perfect. But he'd pretend to be, if it's what his little brothers needed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment! Comments are writer candy! I love reading your guys' comments! They're so motivating to finish the story, lol ;P


	5. Pills and (Blood) Potions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, in this chapter I got straight to the point with Mikey... I know, breaking the lure. Lol, hope you enjoy! And sorry if I induce any tears, according to you guys I'm actually good at that :)
> 
> Take it away Johnny!
> 
> Warning: Disturbing images ahead, gruesome sights of blood and saddening attempts to suicide. If you have a weak stomach or feel like you'll be triggered, please do not read this chapter.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the Ninja Turtle Franchise. The Turtles were originally conceived by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird and published into a comic series by Mirage Studios in 1984. The 2003-2010 cartoon was handled by 4kids and the 2012-Ongoing animated cartoon is handled by Nickelodeon.
> 
> Chapter 5 – Pills and (Blood) Potions

Leo pushed the peddle harder, forcing the car to hurry. He had to get to home.

' _Not our baby... please no... how did it end up like this?'_

Leo almost floored it.

' _I... We should've saw the signs.'_

"I think- I think he's going to do it!"

"Thank you so much April, for telling us. We're getting home as fast as we can." Don's voice was quiet, but Leo heard the hysteria.

"Call Raph, I think he's closer."

"O-Okay." Don began and called his older brother.

"Don? Wh-?"

"Raph! No time to explain, just get home, NOW! Mikey's home alone, and April's saying he's gonna-"

"Don, whattdaya mean? Calm tha-"

"I can't Raph! Not when Mikey's about to commit suicide!" Hearing Don yell it, hearing the words 'commit suicide' itself... Leo felt tears slide down his face.

Don heard only silence for about two seconds before, "Don, I'm gettin' home now. What happened bro?" Don could hear the hurt and fear in his brother's voice.

"April said Mikey texted something to her, for her to tell us... Something about how he was going to be gone for a while and how much he loved-" Raph hung up.

"Don? What happened to Raph?" Leo could barley keep his voice under control.

"He hung up... I don't think he wanted to hear any further. God Leo... Our baby brother is attempting suicide... What the  _hell_  did we do wrong!?" Don burst out with a sob and all Leo could do was continue to speed home, his face drawn in a downcast and upsetting expression.

* * *

' _Not him. God fucking damnit, why'd it have ta be Mike?'_

Raph speed on his cycle, nearly crashing into the apartment building as he pulled up to the parking. After jumping out like a crazed man and rushing up the stairs, he unlocked their apartment door and bull rushed inside.

"Mike?! Mikey?! Where are ya bro, come out!" He heard water running somewhere in the apartment but couldn't make out where in his haste. He automatically went towards the bathroom him and their brothers all collectively shared.

"Mike! Mikey come out now!" Raph began pounding on the bathroom doors. "C'mon little brotha, please come out!" Raph began trying to bulldoze the door down. He heard it began to break and come off its hinges.

"Bro, please yer makin' a huge mistake!" That's when Raph finally broke the door down, finding the most disturbing image he had ever seen. And Raph had seen a lot during his life.

His baby brother... bleeding out from his wrists. The cuts were so deep, it made Raph almost gag. His baby brother was leaning onto the bathroom sink and the water was running, continuously washing his brother's cuts so they couldn't heal by clotting, even in the slightest. Mikey looked like he was relaxed,  _enjoying_  the loss of precious life from his body's system.

"Bro... please come 'ere. We can help ya." Raph slowly edged towards his brother, almost afraid, and took the thirteen years old's wrist into his hands, applying pressure to the deep cuts. Raph paled visibly as the blood stained his hands and even dripped.

"Why?" Was all Mikey asked.

"'Coz we love ya little brotha, Ah love ya. Jesus, look at cha." Raph shook his head as tears started blurring his vision. "Why are ya doin' this ta yerself little brotha? Why?"

"It helps. I don't want to be here anymore." The response was eerie and scared Raph more. His little brother needed serious help  _now_.

That's when Raph heard, "Mikey?!  _Oh my god_ , what- why would you do this to yourself?!" Raph hadn't even heard their two other brothers coming in.

"Don, calm down and call 9-1-1. Now." Leo ordered as he went over and gently took his baby brother's chin to make him look at him. Tears flooded both his eyes and his younger brother's as they just stared into each other's eyes, both silently asking, "Why?".

Mikey was wondering why his brothers even cared to save his useless life.

Leo was wondering why his brother even thought of ending it.

Finally, Leo couldn't take it anymore and let go, looking at the floor now just like his baby brother.

Don felt himself shaking in the kitchen as he called the emergency number, his arms and legs going weak, he collapsed on the kitchen stool ungainly. Tears silently fled from their spawning point and down his face in their great escape. Raph was shaking too, in the bathroom, holding a tight, vice like grip on his baby brother's wounds. No matter how hard he held them, they seemed to keep bleeding.

"L-Leo, they keep-  _fuck_ , they keep bleeding..." Raph panicked slightly, not knowing what to do.

Raph's breathing hurried as he looked as his older brother, his only older brother, desperately.

' _Do something... please Leo...'_

Leo swallowed thickly as he came over. "We each take a wrist and apply as much pressure as possible." He said, trying his best to keep his voice in control.

"I'm sorry." Mikey slurred, his vision growing dark.

Just as he heard Mikey say that, Don came back in. Hearing his younger brother, he came behind him and held him up gently. "No, no this is  _not_  your fault.  _Never_  think it is. We love you so much." Don held his baby brother up due to his blood loss and gave his elder brothers a look of,  _'They're on the way.'_  Making the mentioned boys look grateful. All they had to do was slow the blood loss until the paramedics came. That's all they had to do.

When the paramedics finally came and took their little brother to the hospital, the ever-present question was, "Will he live?"

None of them wanted to hear the real chances.

* * *

Yoshi could not believe his own ears. His youngest son, his youngest child, whom had the purest soul, had attempted jisatsu?

Yoshi felt himself get sick, which was of rare occurrence. Hence why he had shut the phone call down just as fast as he had the dojo.

Entering the waiting room of the E.R., he almost cried himself upon seeing the looks on his sons' faces.

The chances were obviously not in their favor.

But sadly, after this event, nothing else seemed to.

* * *

Mikey and Don looked each other in the eye before Don spoke, "Mikey... Mikey this isn't okay..." Don's voice cracked as he looked at what his little brother was holding. "We thought you were getting better; why didn't you say something..."

Mikey looked down. "I know... I'm sorry Donnie." Mikey's voice cracked as well and then Don pulled his baby brother close. Mikey sobbed as his big brother held him.

"It helps me. I pass in school. You guys won't have to have a failure as a brother..." He cried.

"Mikey, under no circumstances should you take that much okay? Please, we would never see you like that, all we want is for you to be healthy. You- you said you stopped..." Don whispered towards the end, meaning every word.

"I know... I know, I'm so sorry! I should've but I didn't. I couldn't. Please don't tell everyone else. Please, they think I'm still okay!" Mikey sobbed harsher as he barley chocked out his words.

Don thought about it. Mikey had come to him exclusively. Meaning that he came to him for help, only. His only baby brother trusted him like his only lifeline and snitching Mikey out like a rat would make Mikey lose that trust, that lifeline.

"Okay. But we need to work together on quitting, okay?"

"Okay Donnie. I'm so sorry."

"I know you are little brother, I know."

At 15 years old, their little brother had become addicted to Adderall. At 16, he was attempting to quit.

* * *

"Maybe put him on medication?"

"So what Leo, put him on drugs?"

"You heard him Raph! He hates himself, and it's not his fault he can't get better grades, so why don't we just try an-"

Raph shut the laptop down, ending the online chat with his Marine brother.

Raph ran a hand through his hair, frustrated at their situation. Mikey was failing school at just 15, and they couldn't stop it. But with Mikey's depression, it's not like it made it any easier.

Sighing, he turned to his other brother. "What should we do Don? Ah don' gotta clue." He said lowly, his voice coming out weak and defeated.

Don frowned and considered. His baby brother would feel a lot better about himself and so would their father if Mikey could pass the grade, but was drugs any way to go about it?

"Let's try. And if it doesn't work out well, we just stop."

Stopping might've seemed simple enough, but they had no idea how dependent their little brother would become for those pills. 'Stopping' wasn't easy, especially when your little brother threatened to cut himself without them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:
> 
> Hey guys, the chapter's done and if you don't understand the cut scenes, here's a break down.
> 
> The beginning scenes were of a 14 years old Mikey attempting suicide and his big brothers and father dealing with it. It skips to talking about Mikey's Adderall addiction (if you don't know what Adderall is, google it, you'll find enough descriptions of what it does and is used for.) The one with him and Donnie is where Mikey is 16 years old, but on the one's talking about Leo as a Marine and the decision to put him on meds, Mikey's 15. At 15 is when Mikey started getting help like the therapy (a scene shown in chapter 2 of this fic) and getting medication to help him with school (school is one of the reason Mikey is depressed, he can't focus in it and feels horrible about his grades).
> 
> Might be a bit confusing but I hope it's not! Please review, it's writer's candy!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, see you guys next time :)
> 
> \- The S.S. Chewie

**Author's Note:**

> SERIOUS A/N PLEASE READ BEFORE GOING TO NEXT CHAPTER:
> 
> Mkay, deep-ish, but I'm just getting started. It's going to get very serious and depressing most likely in the next couple of chapters so beware;
> 
> If you are not able to or may be sensitive to mental disorders like the ones I plan on having show up in fiction, please do try not to continue reading. I know it's hard, fanfiction from any writer is always like fandom candy, put please resist the urge to be a naughty child and sneak a peek from the cookie jar.
> 
> If any of these topics are scary, disgusting, triggering, meaningful, etc. to you, I advise that this story might not be best for you…
> 
> ADHD (And the frustrations that come with it, trust me, I know these myself; feels nice to get it out through a character that actually has it.)
> 
> Depression (And the actions that may come with it like suicidal thoughts/references/tendencies, self harm of ANY kind [burning/cutting/etc], hopelessness, pessimism to one's self, etc.)
> 
> Anxiety/Anxiety Attacks/etc. (I don't know if this will be in the future, heck I don't even know what I'm gonna make the title yet. I simply just start spamming my keyboard hoping it doesn't break any buttons and produces some kind of legible and readable product; otherwise known as my stories/fiction.)
> 
> And whatever messed up things I might add. Another Also, is that if you didn't get the italic (slanted writing like this) writing after the depressing thoughts that were surrounded with dashes like this; -Crude, Honest, Painfully Truthful…- It's supposed to all add up to Mikey's opinion on the 'voice'. Look;
> 
> "Came that Dumb, Stupid, Arrogant, Condescending, Demeaning, Evil, Mean, Hateful, Terrible, Disdainful, Crude, Honest, Right…  
> Voice."
> 
> See it? It's his thoughts going from "This voice is wrong, I'm not that bad! It's some dumb inner conscious that doesn't mean shit!" to "It's right, I'm horrible." Which is how he goes on throughout the day, everyday, having an inner war with himself. Trying to fight that giving up is the way, ya know?
> 
> On a way more serious note then I'm used to, I wanna say something about this fic right here. Majority of it, is going to be either depression and trying to fight through it (Of course through a 3rd P.O.V. Mikey thing; you know what I'm trying to get to -_-) or it's going to end up as a drama mama with no actual meaning and becoming a Brotherly fluff pillow... *sighs*
> 
> I'm not going to state my entire thirteen years of life story here (But if you wanna copy… I might have some. No lie.) I have ADHD and because of that I felt like a failure for a long time (That's why I love Mike's character so much, because I can kind of relate to trying and failing to focus and succeed expectations) and ended up having Depression in the long, long run. I haven't got diagnosed but c'mon, I know it when I see it. Not going to state why because I wanna be positive and… me… me is weird and inconsistent, which means I don't finish my final reasonings. 0-0
> 
> But yeah leaving on a personal note and a hopeful one!
> 
> National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Number: 1-800-273-8255
> 
> If you feel pretty crappy, whether it's anxiety, depression, PTSD, whatever is making you feel down, I know what it's like to be afraid to reach out to someone in real life like parents or friends. It's downright embarrassing. So, if you're like me and haven't gained that kind of courage, I'm always available as well as the NSPL (Nation Suicide Prevention Lifeline Number). If that's scary too (Because of how they can send people down to your house to put you on all this "you're going to do something" crap) you can go on Reddit (I know, I'm bad at giving advice, but that's where I go for a vent and I normally feel better cuz the people are nice and supportive :D) and vent that way. Posting to r/depression or r/suicidewatch or r/[anything]
> 
> r/ADHD
> 
> r/Anxiety
> 
> r/howtostopselfharming
> 
> There's literally a subreddit for every-fucking-thing.
> 
> Again, just know if it takes me awhile to get the next chapter out; I completely and utterly apologize. That's just me, but I DO have a passion for writing, it's not something I'm forcing myself to do; I can only write when I have time, thus time is le problem.
> 
> Life.
> 
> Laziness.
> 
> Time. Management.
> 
> Room in which I'm writing this…. Getting darker…
> 
> Bye.
> 
> R & R Please! I love reviews more than actual favorites and follows XD For some odd reason; it's writer candy! Gimme candy! I was a good child!


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